I’m a workaholic. I worked so hard I passed out had to get an ambulance because I was extremely fatigued. I’m really embarrassed about that. I know why I work so hard, because it makes me feel good. When I work on homework and I’m getting it right, I feel good.
I’m not a clean freak or a perfectionist. I just like working on my gardening, artwork, writing and homework. I like making books and taking them to sell in person. I’m always trying to get to the next level and do better for myself.
I get a lot of pressure from my peers because I don’t do things well, I mess up a lot, I not super, naturally smart or beautiful so I have to work harder for anything or to get my point across. Things aren’t always easy and hard work doesn’t always work, but it builds up to something. Maybe not the thing you always want it to, but hard work wouldn’t be work if it didn’t accomplish something.
When I finish making a book or get an A on an assignment it makes me not feel terrible when I’m being called stupid or fat. I’m neither stupid nor fat, but hard work makes me feel like there is something good about me. I know a lot of people say mean things about me behind my back and even do it to my face, but when I work hard and accomplish a lot it makes me feel better.
When I was younger, I used to fuel my energy by hoping one day I could become rich and famous and get back at the people who were mean to me. I think all children feel like that. Now that I’m older, I just enjoy connecting to others through my writing and artwork. I find it’s easier to draw a comic or write a story than talk to people, I’m not anti-social by choice by rather by circumstance. I’m not articulate and have trouble speaking and relating to people, probably because I’m such a magnet for abusive relationships. I don’t want to give up on people therefore I keep drawing pictures and making stories.
This is my way of doing things. I like it, I like writing and connecting to people through my art. I like knowing my books are on someone’s shelf. I think, “Ah, this person understands.”
I’m not someone who searches out people’s praise nor cares or forces people to agree with me, I respect people’s opinions and faiths. I only want to say my piece and offer a different perspective. I have the tendency to make subtle works for an understated reader-base that end up creating SUPERFANS. Ha ha ha! It’s okay! I wonder how much of you guys like my writing. It’s okay if you don’t. I’m not narcissistic, just curious.
That’s why I’m learning how to make movies, communication programs and interactive based media, I want to connect to people and help people. I think I come off as a bitter person because I’ve been abused a lot by family, friends and strangers alike. It’s hard to make someone understand you and it’s hard to understand other people. I’ve spent my life trying. I don’t want to change to make people like me. I want to be accepted for who I am. That’s why I write and draw. It’s my way of communicating.
But I do realize I work too hard with little support. I was reading Glamour (a guilty pleasure) and stopped on the article on Michelle Obama saying that she UNDERSTOOD that she was lucky to have to support of her mother and her peers and it made the progression to the White House easier and felt bad for women that didn’t. I wonder about how many women are suffering alone without any sort of support or can’t even support themselves. I’m always working for the moment I can support myself for the rest of my life and go after my dreams 100% rather than 60%.
The number one question that I ask myself is “If I had my friends to support me or if I had my family to support me, who would I be?” I wouldn’t be as hard working but I think I would be better adjusted. Just because I have to do so many things alone doesn’t stop me from achieving my dreams, I think being alone and having no one strengthened my resolve. It’s hard, really hard to get going and not everyone can do it. It really takes a strong person to always be alone, I know I have a lot of trouble but I would rather be alone than treated badly.
My family isn’t really supportive of my profession or anything I do, but that isn’t going to stop me…
Fainting due to overwork will stop me. Being hungry and unable to cook due to my workload will stop me. I have to relearn that I’m not a super soldier, but because I’ve worked so hard in the past people refuse to let me relax.
It’s not my fault I’m the one person who actually is doing something with their life but I refuse to live a life where I can’t be the person I want to be, that’s the one thing that is the most important. I’m working really hard and enduring a lot to be where I want to be.
Also, I hate it when people call me lazy. It’s like they don’t appreciate how hard I’m working, but people will always look for something bad to say about you.
I think its okay to love working, but it’s good to take a rest and disobey people who are mooching off your kindness and hard work. Hahaha. I know I have.
In the end, it’s okay to work hard, but remember you’re working towards something and never forget the thing you are working for. Always be focused, but take breaks and enjoy life as well. I’ll be sure to take an actual vacation this year, not a work vacation. I’ll see you readers when I see you, I have a pile of work to plough through.