My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Intro

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(I did not make the Hitman Reborn fanart, nor did I make the Kaiji Fanart. I’ll upload a new picture tomorrow though! POSITIVE!) Edit: And I never did…

My Female Erection in Virgin Space
The Introduction of a subject on gettin’ it on and off

Written By Grandpa Dinosaur

This is an introduction to my experiences with female masturbation.

And this is going to be a saga. It will talk about the porn I read, how I do it, when I do it… Maybe I’ll delve into my fleeting relationships with people…

I’ll start out how this though came to be:

I remember dropping a female masturbation joke and getting the shock of my life from her, “oh no… I don’t masturbate.”

I so was like, as Ghandi from Clone High would say, “SAY WHAT!”

What… Like… What? I know… Said person has had sex before… But… It’s like… Flying a plane before you can sit in a chair, my mind can’t… Comprehend. It.

I know I have ABNORMAL thoughts. I don’t like shopping for clothes and shoes. I get bored. Wander off to the book store. I don’t look at guys or girls and think, “s/he’s cute.” I don’t judge a person the second I meet them, I try to get know know them and understand them. I try my BEST (although I suck at it) not to jump to conclusions.

Like, it’s normal for a guy to “take your virginity.” There’s nothing sexist about it, that’s how the normal, normal world works. And but normal, I mean “what acceptable.”

I have patterns of abnormal thought, I have been told. And you may think, “I think differently.” I may have never met you before, so “HELLO!”

And perhaps maybe good-bye?

Lady Hard: The female erection(?)

I masturbate.

I have mastered “no hands.” Many people are jealous of this, after all, it’s one’s ideal to be able to orgasm on command. It wasn’t easy, nor will I teach you the secret because it’ll be exposing my “tastes” to the unready, virgin world. But those who know me do not want to know I masturbate. Much like Fight Club, we don’t talk about Fight Club. I don’t talk about past relationships, I don’t say I masturbate in public.

So for those who are unready to receive my proclamations, feel free to return to the world now before your image of me is spoiled.

Continue to think of me as a pure Buddhist who meditates my desires away.

Are they gone?

Yes, well I’d like to talk to you people straight. So there will be pure frankness from this point on.

What’s the big deal? I mean, I should be allowed to get off too! So if you’re still reading this…. I’m sorry, just… It’s gonna be weird from now on if you know me, face to face from now on.

I masturbate about…. Up to and more than eight times a week. The only times I do not masturbate are when I am stressed out, and also subsequently at work thus causing me to be stressed out. And I have orgasms. Great orgasms, which fuel my GREAT SELF-ESTEEM. When I feel nervous, I just masturbate and I give THE GREATEST presentations. All my stresses and worries, releases my pent up emotions. It’s great… I don’t masturbate when anyone is around, I have ethics. I’d like to think of myself as a responsible masturbator.

So why can’t I talk about it… Sometimes I think that I shouldn’t because maybe consider me to “not hot.” I’m actually not what “attractive” is considered to be… I’m chubby, I have a soft plush middle. But… Even more of a reason to masturbate, one might think. I can get laid, guys proposition me for sex, as most strangers will.

And I don’t masturbate because I can’t get into a relationship, I’m not in a relationship because I’m not ready for a relationship. I’m not ready to make that kind of sacrifice… Because relationships are all about sacrifices, and I can’t even go out at night, so my relationship would not survive.

But back from my tangent, I masturbate because I like to. I masturbate to remind myself that I can always pleasure myself, love myself, that I don’t need a man OR woman to do it for me. I can do it for myself. It kind of empowers me, to tell you the truth. I mean… No one is not going to be the master of knowing my body, no way… UNLESS they’re a doctor. But really… Like… I have a responsibility as a woman to know my own body and take care of it physically and care fore it’s needs.

I don’t masturbate because I think I’m going against the norm, that would ruin sexy-time. No politics in my sexy time.

I don’t masturbate because I’m lonely. Oh hell, no, I can’t even “get in on” when I’m lonely, sad, or tired.

And I sure as hell don’t masturbate because I’m JUST SO HORNY! HORNY! HORNY! HORNY! Okay, well sometimes I do. Sometimes I just need a “boost,” and calling my friends sometimes does depress me so yes–MASTURBATION!

I like myself as a person. I feel comfortable and confident in my body. I don’t feel I need to do anything to prove that “I’m worth it” or “I’m better than everyone.” I know I am not perfect.

I masturbate.

So why am I so hesitant to talk about it. I was listening to a bunch of guys talk about what vibrator they get for for their girlfriends. I couldn’t even talk to my friend about masturbation, they looked at me like I was a mutant.

Is it so dirty? Really? So many people tell me I shouldn’t “touch it.” But… what about sex…. It’s okay for me to let some guy put in, but not for me to masturbate before that? You may disagree with me, please do! I only talk about things I know.

But alas this is only a taste of what’s to come.

This is only the introduction of what I think is sexy…. What is that, you may ask?

Kaiji is always sexy… Him and Sephiroth.

[End of Introduction]

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~ by l on March 3, 2008.

7 Responses to “My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Intro”

  1. I think if more people masturbated regularly the world would be a much more peaceful place.

    And everyone should talk about masturbation a lot.

  2. I will be continuing with this topic of masturbation.

    Thanks for your comment! ^^

  3. I masturbate too!!!!

  4. […] My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Intro by Grandpa Dinosaur My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Chapter One by Grandpa Dinosaur Why Romance […]

  5. I got “the talk” from my dad: masturbating will make you into an antisocial misfit because you feel that you can take care of your own needs.

    I think of it this way: I listen to tons of stories. Literal tonnage and more stories of people ruining their relationships, ruining their lives, hurting each other, because said person just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Human biology dictate that we need to consume, sleep, defecate and reproduce, and I’d rather take care of these myself than to hurt someone else to do it.

    hehe, ethical masturbation 🙂 I have rules too: do not fantasize about people I know in real life. But Kaiji and Sephiroth? Together? hmmm …. 🙂

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