My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Chapter 1

Talking on the behalf and support of a–THE–Great Vagina
Don’t you dare talk down to me! You haven’t even SEEN your own vagina!!!

Written by Grandpa Dinosaur

I’m just speaking from experience, if you have a story please share it with me because I can’t talk about my vagina without people running scared.

People–Or more, girls, women, mothers—I got them all running fucking scared! “I’ll let a man put his penis in, but I won’t even LOOK at my own vagina!”

I often ask women who I know have had sex before if they have seen at their own vagina, and all of them say no.

I’m a fuckin’ virgin. And I’ve seen my vagina before all my sexually active friends. I’ve had MORE paps smears than ALL of my friends combined; I’m betting. (I’ve had four, didn’t need ’em, but I wanted the clean bill of health.) The only person I know who talks about masturbation is Rachel Nabors, but if you know anymore people, do pass the word along.

So I ask the skanky hohos if they’ve seen their own vagina, because you know, they must be the VAGINA MASTERS. THEY MUST TRAIN EVERYWHERE! There must be no one that they won’t train with! I though then that the skanky hoes who have fucked sooo many men MUST have seen their own vagina
—-And they say no. Like you’re gonna have sex with all these people, you’re gonna be a damn skank but you won’t look at you’re own vagina? FUCK YOU HYPOCRITICAL HOE!!! You’re a HOE! You’re proud to be a HOE! You have sex everywhere and nowhere–But I know your secret! You’re scared of your OWN PUSSY! GOT YOU RUNNIN’ SCARED! BUWAHAHA!

I’m sorry, I love you hoes. You hoes are fun. HOES ARE FUN! DON’T LET NO ONE TELL YOU DIFFERENT!!! I’m mean because I care about you guys and that’s how I show my love.

But really, what gives.

Vagina, Regina, Menina.

Say it in the washroom and Bloody Mary comes out.

You’re not really scared of your own vagina, are you? Why won’t you look at it? I just get a “I don’t know.” I’ve asked around because I don’t UNDERSTAND! I ASSUME to know, I make up wild stories and assumptions… But I don’t know what is wrong with vaginas.


Your life.

Pretend your vagina doesn’t exist.

My vagina is here, it’s here and it’s not gonna go away. I’m gonna PEEE out a hole in my vagina everyday… Maybe like, five times a day because I have no job and I drink tea A LOT!!!! And if YOU, dear reader, disagree with what I’m saying, say something, if would like to add to this or take US to the wood-shed. You know, I may actually make a retraction if you feel THAT strongly against certain things. But there are certain things I won’t balk on.

But let’s talk, about our vaginas, or your penis.. Peni. (CORRECT TERM?!)–How great it is! How our vaginas and penises actually combine at one point! Like a robot anime show.

Anywho, vagina, vagina, vagina. I can say a lot of this about MY VAGINA. My coveted thing, my secret thing, my desire… What do the romance novels call it?

I can’t talk about my vagina. It’s a naughty word.

Can’t talk to anyone about my vagina….. I got to keep it a SECRET, not let anyone see it, not let anyone put anything in it, unless he may be THE ONE. And if I don’t find him, I can’t let that get me down. I gotta keep trying, letting men penetrate my heart and vagina until I find the one. Goodness, we have sex for pleasure? PSST. It was intended for making babies, women are nothing but baby making machines.

—Just read any American/Canadian girl mag. As this is a bit of a tangent, I continue forth and talk about how I picked up an issue of Glamour not too long ago. It had the follow-up article on women of colour in the workforce (TOO LATE! YOU’VE SHOWN YOUR TRUE COLOURS! I SEE THROUGH YOUR GLAMOUR!), but was ALSO FULL OF PREGNANCY ADS. How much Glamour can you put over that baby belly, hun?

So I’d like to talk a moment here to congratulate all the women who have taken a mirror, held it between their legs, which is a grander  accomplishment than uncovering a big foot and vampire colony combined.

Heroes among women. I don’t know any BRAVER women, to look into the eyes of your own fear and see what lurks deep between your legs and find out… That’s it’s actually kinda like the inside of your mouth. Uhhhh…… Movin’ on.

Not that I blame you. The vagina, I hear, are fucking scary. They bleed four up to 10 days once a month, you pee out of your vagina and it’s a dirty place. Didn’t I just make a vagina sound fuckin’ scary.

“Don’t touch your vagina, it’s dirty.”

“Don’t pick your nose, it’s dirty.”

“And don’t fart, that’s fuckin’ DURT-TAY.”

Farting is VERY MUCH looked down upon. You might well have killed a baby. Farting is an equal crime to killing babies. Farting killing baby. Farting kills babies.

Well… I’d like to drop a stink bomb on you again.

I fart and I have seen my own vagina.

I have seen it. It looks all right.

DOUBLE BOMB! I masturbate! GASP!

But you know what… I’m no rebel. I can’t-won’t go have sex with everyone, everything; because I’m comfortable with my sexuality.

I’m a pioneer. I come from a traditional household, have conservative beliefs. Structure. Value. Work Ethic–Sorta.

But I strongly believe in not being ashamed of who you are, and I am a woman… And I think I deserve that and that’s it’s also my right to LOOK at my vagina and deem if I think that it’s dirty or not because it is MY body.

I don’t think my vagina is a dirty thing, and I’ll fight someone who tells me to stop masturbating because everyone WANTS to control my life.

Everyone wants to control my vagina and they want it to make babies and I say: “NO! That’s my vagina!”

And they say don’t masturbate, and I say, “NO! I’m masturbating right now!”

Because I’m gonna say this, my vagina is a real monster. NO ONE can control my vagina. My vagina is ALWAYS in control. If it wants to pee, and I don’t want to pee, you best believe I’m peeing all over myself. And you can try and stop it, but you can’t. It’s never gonna get down. It can take a beating, it was made to take a beating. Human’s can’t control dinosaurs, zombies, and my vagina.

I’m proud of my vagina, it’s not going anywhere. You can pretend you don’t have a vagina, you know who you are… You can pretend that women’s rights don’t affect you. You know who you are. You can throw away YOUR OWN FUCKING RIGHTS AND THE RIGHT TO YOUR VAGINA! But my VAGINA IS STAYING HERE! AND IT’S NOT GOING ANYWHERE!

This article was just to call out those who haven’t seen their own vaginas.

Like really? Why not, it’s just another part of your body.
Stop putting it off, but it doesn’t really matter because as long as you have a vagina you can’t escape from it–unless you have a sex change.

I had to look at my own vagina because not only did I have to talk the talk, I have to follow up and walk the walk. And you know what, it wasn’t a big deal. It’s NOT what you expect it to be… But it’s not bad either. I didn’t think it was as dirty and wrong as people made it out to be, and if anything it became easier to navigate (rather than stumbling in the dark).

The vagina, if you have one, you have one. No big deal. Really. Honestly.


~ by l on March 9, 2008.

2 Responses to “My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Chapter 1”

  1. Heck yeah! I had my hood double pierced about a year and a half ago. My vagina is even cooler than it was before.

  2. *high fives* YES! That’s friggan’ awesome man! The Vagina’s on the rise!

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