Pass the Cyanide Capsules Please!: Entry 1

Killer Koolaid: Religion bashing is so in-vogue. That’s bullshit.
Cut by: Davita Cuttita

There are some days of the week where I look longingly at a drug store and pray for a prescription of cyanide capsules. That day is almost every day of the week if things are normal but there are days in particular—non-rag days, surprisingly—where I shake my head and say, “Lord, why?”

You see, even though I major in French I minor in Film. I hope to change that as I can’t see what possible use it has except for people to scorn me saying “This nigger thinks she can make movies!” and not taking me seriously. For the most part, it’s an incredibly decent class: the professor is hilarious, the environment is relaxed, the course load is reasonable and each lesson is explained thoroughly and our input is always welcome. Sounds perfect, don’t it?

It is!

Occasionally though, some students are fucking stupid. And incredibly ignorant. I just sit there, with my teeth clenched…. “Urge to kill…RISING!”

The prof is the old, wise, kung-fu master of diffusing and exposing assholitry/ignorance of any kind; (thus quenching my need to say anything) and I’m pretty sure he gets his powers from it, but once in a while we have comments flying in about what post-modernism and religion have in common; understandable I suppose. Despite how in-vogue it is to be anti-religion and the BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE called “anti-organized religion”, I firmly believe that some people still do have an interest in religion…of some sort. Yes, the comments are usually ignorant, bigoted, snobby, disrespectful and sometimes just outright fuckery; but at least there is still some sort of dialogue going on amongst the non-religious or atheists in regards to the faith of others. Good for them. GREAT for them actually. Personally, I’d rather play Russian Roulette while reading Psalms than listen to these dialogues; but hey: at least they’re happening.

Speaking of that dumb-ass “anti-organized religion” shit, lemme just say this: Can someone please, kindly explain; what the fuck that means?

Because I don’t like when people start talking smack about being organized. People need to get together somewhere, decide on things and support each other. This is something they did even before religion; cavemen lived in groups, went hunting together to take down big game, women gathered, men hunted. They were organized.

According to Freud (and increasingly; the rest the Western population according to statistics), religious people are just delusional. Hmn. Interesting.

When I was delusional, they put me somewhere where I could be delusional with other people and we talked about our delusionalism, walked together, talked together, ate together, laughed together; at around the same time each day.

It was called the psyche ward.

Finally, I was suddenly a sane person and they let me loose on the world and I’ve been terrorizing the fuck outta everyone eversince with the mad skills I learned in there: always speak up for yourself, be suspicious of everyone, laugh often and never, ever, under any circumstance; let someone fuck with you (I learned the last one growing up in the ghetto too, but that’s another story).

Anyhow, despite how insulting the above may seem; it’s not! I’m not equating places of worship with sanitoriums, I simply wanted to draw a parrallel that was clear and concise whilst making a tongue-in-cheek mockery. You were supposed to LAUGH! Oh, nevermind. I’m already in the hole…

I have a really good point coming up though!

But do you see the point here? People need somewhere to go for support, guidance, encouragement, safety; when they are at the lowest point in their life and are seemingly experiencing tragedies that they feel no one else understands. We need organizations; we need to have that safety net that says “At such place, at such time, you can come here. We might not understand you completely, but we’ll support you and care for you unconditionally. It’s okay, someone still cares.”

This is not the time for me to bother talking about going to churches/temples/synagogues/mosques/whatevers where the atmosphere is less than welcoming or fundamentalism. Those are different categories—I will talk about them in the future; most likely.

We have to remember that everything in this world; no matter how good in and of itself; comes into contact with people. Once that’s happened, it’s pretty much a guarantee that said object/ideal is at some point, by someone or someones somewhere, going to be mangled beyond recognition, taken just as seriously as the original and then everyone will blame whichever deity they worship for something that’s the fault of a pocket-collective of humanity and not do anything themselves to instigate positive change. It’s like blaming all white people EVER for slavery and the invention of alcohol, guns, bombs and judging/stereotyping them according to that. Or blaming all coloured people EVER for…hmn…well, *that’s* a tricky one (not to say we’re perfect, but I can’t think of an equal example. Can you?).

This is not the time/article in which to complain about religion. Personally, I have no complaints. I have qualms with perversions and manipulations of any religion; but nothing else really. It’s hard to be religious or have any strong, spiritual moral convictions but if it were as easy as farting or paying $250 for an e-metre reading I’d be very suspicious.

I just want to outline what exactly real religion is about: Serving {please insert Deity of your choice}, compassion, wisdom, strength, community, patience, peace, love–and hopefully, by the end of this, there will be one less ignorant asshole in the world, walking around, talking down to people of faith (or vice versa) totally preoccupied with the smell of their own fart.

Moving on.

I think some people just really fear the whole money grubbing part about huge religions. Like, the Catholic Church is super rich from DONATIONS. C’mon–share the wealth, Pope whateveryournameis. But I see no problem with people getting organized so long as they’re not all shouting “White Power” or some shit.

I think people are just afraid of the concept of organization.

“The Women are Organizing!”

“The Queers are Organizing!”

“The Blacks are ORGANIZING!”

Oh, Lawdy! Won’t somebody please think of the children?! I’m bawling the living eye-water over here. Things are too damned organized, we should just have everyone walk around thinking and doing whatever. No structure.

Which is fine. If that’s what they really wanna do. BY ALL MEANS, PLEASE. AFTER YOU!! I INSIST!! ^_^

Dear child, I am definitely gonna get organized because when you are organized you have the funds, knowledge, power and support to look at things, really and truly WRONG things and say; “HEY! We don’t agree with that! I AM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE TO FUCK UP YOUR SHIT—AND BY I, I MEAN ALL BUZILLION GAJILLION OF US, YOU DONKEY PUNCHING CUNT” and then all hell just breaks loose and everyone gets medieval and riots.

Not just the flaming garbage, kicking cops, great television riots but you know…word riots. Speeches n’ stuff.

And I want to be a part of that.

Hey, if you’re non-religious learning about religion(s) and you (or if you have a religion and are talking openly to those who don’t), actually have the guts to go out there and talk with people who practice one (or none) rather than sitting around on your high-horse, looking up your nose at people, you deserve a Nobel peace prize and a standing ovation. I can’t deliver either, but I can deliver an internet clap and smiley face.

*applause, clappy-clap-clap* ^_^

‘Twas well deserved, my friend. Anytime…anytime.

As for the rest of you panty wastes, get out of my face before I get medieval on your ass.

Me? Hm…I’m a long story. Which shall never be told here. I don’t gotta prove nothin’ to nobody, this is just the place where I come to foam at the mouth with rage and whatever else women do. Women with vaginas. I dunno.

I think faith is wonderful…I hope mine gets better. An upward strife is better than nothing, I suppose. I pretty much believe in everything so I can keep my nose clean—fairies, gnomes, Nessie, Big Foot, Jesus—it all checks out in my opinion.

100%, no doubt in my mind whatsever. Feel free to laugh, now. Go ahead, you jackass.

No, I’m not joking or being sarcastic. And if I cared what people thought, I wouldn’t be writing this blog and I wouldn’t be Davita Cuttita. There would be a disturbance in the force.

I can’t care what people think in a university setting because a lot of them have their heads up their asses whilst paying for Starbucks coffee, reading Marx, listening to Coldplay and buying over-priced Che Guevara t-shirts. Or are hipsters.

If there’s anything I will adamantly mistrust, criticize and have lost most, if not all, belief in it is humanity.

And God knows I pray my faith in that becomes stronger too but for the time being…please, if you’ve a shred of mercy left; pass me some aspirin or cyanide capsules.

Doesn’t matter which; surprise me! I have faith you’ll make the right decision.



~ by davitacuttita on March 21, 2008.

2 Responses to “Pass the Cyanide Capsules Please!: Entry 1”

  1. *insert devious smile here*

  2. Yeah, I know, I KNOW! I almost got the cyanide capsules. So close yet so far away…

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