My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Chapter 2

My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Chapter 2

Why can’t I masturbate?
Or how the (wo)man is not getting me down
Written by Grandpa Dinosaur

I haven’t been masturbating, so rest assured I am not masturbating right now.

We can work with that, a masturbation article about not masturbating! I can turn anything into writing.

I’d also like to make an comment here that a friend has contacted me and said that she too has seen her vagina. Now I’m looking at another (you know who you are) friend right now–Gett’er done. On congrats on the… You know what, it’s always uncomfortable the first time eh?

So yes, me and my vagina! Best friends, been together forever. I don’t act girly, but I let people know I am a woman and YES I do HAVE a vagina. And I use it to do many things—Oh and thank you, you lovely ladies that have come forward and commented, I wish you happiness. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but yes, now let’s get down to it. To the nitty, gritty vagina business. I’ve been softening the blows until now, and mostly for myself, but it’s time to talk about masturbating, female masturbation.

It’s still awkward to talk about, you know, I’m still VERY conservative but I am open to discussing sexuality and pleasure.

Mostly because I know I maybe comfortable with my appearance and bodies, but I know that yeah… People who know me… They’re rather shocked when they hear it. It ruins their image of me. Not that I’m innocent mind you, I’m just… So manly and I save animals regularly. I constantly worry about being caught, even though I have then sense not to do it in private. I also see in film and in society, there is a HUGE denial of female pleasure.

I come from a traditional background where family is everything and the woman support’s the man’s decision. Girl’s don’t get to do jack once they’re with a man, their lives are over! OVER! This traditional society is giving me female blue-balls. I am NOT happy with this.

Yeah, so I’m not getting married. I’m not like NORMAL PEOPLE, I drop children and I’m going to be a bad and abusive parent if I do have kids–so don’t you all you straights!! (as in, straight and narrow, going along with things, not straight sexual orientation wise) tell me different.

I think the scariest line I have ever been told by a woman with children (and have read the same line in a comic also, so it’s nothing new) but it was:

“you will find happiness in his happiness.”

NOT ME! You can call me self-centered, but that’s sexist! I don’t ever want to be that woman. I have given up enough of my life and energy to pleasing men and it’s time to please myself and get what I want, sexually and–Just in general. Because if I have to martyr myself I’m not going to. I’m not going to sacrifice my happiness and if I have children, their happiness and go along with that idea.

I’m not a man-hater, but yeah. Why you got to do that? Why you have to get all in my business like that. Telling me my happiness is in family. What the fuck? REALLY!! I worked hard to be respected and gain some independence and every time I try to cut that damn rope I get lynched–WHY?! This is just my experience, but this is why I can’t masturbate. It’s because people bring in the family shit, and the baby shit, and the kid shit.

Pisses me off, every time I reach for happiness or my crotch somebody has to dump some societal responsibility on me. Because masturbation don’t make babies. It’s the reverse of every sperm is sacred, my eggs can’t get wasted. I WASTE my eggs by not being PREGNANT ANYWAY! I get my period?! Shit! I must be a bad person!

I would like to reference Davita Cuttita‘s article on “Why Romance must die” and the part where everything has to be perfect and that HE or SHE has to be person and that YOU have to be perfect and the moment has to be perfect. That’s blue balls for me. This society is getting me DOWN!!! Female blue balls. What do you call that?

I was discussing with Davita Cuttita what you would call a female “cock blocker.” A goalie?

Well I’m surrounded by goalies and I always have been, damn do-gooders. Half of them drove me to masturbation. The other half, tell me to have a family. I’m going to write an article about how I hate people telling me to have a baby! It’s annoying! Friggan’ baby lovers! It’s upsetting! That’s an ALMOST guarantee I hate you forever thing! SERIOUSLY! FUCK! STOP!

So yeah, let’s just talk about the most AWKWARD OF AWKWARD and get it over with. Yeah, I think it’s it’s important do get a dialogue going. I mostly masturbate because I feel uncomfortable with people touching me, I can touch people all I want but once people touch me I freeze up and it ruins the mood. So yeah, could never really go for the home run, but made it to the parking lot. I’m done with relationship stupidness, I want no more of it. Humans are fickle and so am I.

So I decided to masturbate because I like being turned on, I like knowing what turns me on and I like to be in control of that part of me. Even though as we mentioned, nothing can control YOUR VAGINA! If it wants to go into period mode, it will. I also like to get to know myself more sexually before I give myself to someone. I have some value in myself and I love myself.

So yeah, how do I masturbate? I actually can’t get aroused from looking at images (unless the image is of you, joking) the way guys do, nor do I get too terribly aroused when feeling myself up. No really, it’s the truth. ‘Cept my nipples. (They’re terribly sensitive you know. I’d rub them until they’re chaft. LOL!!!) I have some mind-shattering orgasms, so don’t worry about me. Even if I don’t marry, I’ll be more than happy alone.

In order to obtain the most mind-shattering orgasms, I usually have to “build myself up.” AKA I dunno, foreplay, more like mind games. Ha ha ha. I like to play mind games with myself. I really need to become relaxed to start the process, so a good mind game or power-play session really loosens up the nerves, shatter my defenses. (LOL, walking YOU the reader, through my repertoire.)

Okay, I’m going to stop here for today. I’d like some suggestions on what you want to hear from me. Would you like me to talk about how I masturbate, but it’s be a lot easier for me to hear it from people than assuming people want to hear this stuff.

I feel more uncomfortable writing, if I know I am not making people uncomfortable.

By the way, the term virgin space was stolen from Patrick Macias. Please don’t come here looking for Patrick Macias.

I’m going to leave you know with Ebichu to fill in the missing pieces of this article.


~ by l on April 9, 2008.

One Response to “My Female Erection in Virgin Space: Chapter 2”

  1. oh man, Ebichu. I watched the entire season of it. Knowing that the voice talent from Neon Genesis Evangelion voiced the show made it just so much better.

    Sex, knowledge about sex, and sexual freedom are relatively new concepts to women. I’m actually really happy that you can actually talk about this 🙂 I had a sociology prof who said, even in the period of his mother, there are women who simply did not ever ever (ever) know what their genitals looked like. From day to night, they’re wearing something, even when they took a bath (which in the old days, was not a daily thing). Women were taught that you simply did not look down there if you were a “lady”, and most just didn’t know what went on down there.

    There’re feminists who defend pornography. With the age of television and mass media (not to mention the internet), pornography is a means through which information about sexuality can be disseminated. There are obvious problems with this, of course, mostly because most pornography is created and consumed by male audiences, but yeah.

    About the “happiness” thing: haha, you know what’s funny? I believe my happiness will lie in my partner’s happiness. I would also be tempted to say that i’ve also been pressured by family and society to reproduce.

    Some days i think they’re in more of a rush than I am. Hey guys, maybe if we made the world a better place, I wouldn’t feel as bad bringing a kid into the world. I can totally see me in the future every night going, “Sorry, omg, i’m SO sorry i brought you into this world. I know it wasn’t your decision, and now I dragged you into this. I’m SO SORRY.”

    I think it’s important for society to understand that gender isn’t so clear cut. We’re not defined by our height or our weight, so why should we be defined by what genitals we were born with?

    Oh wait.

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