Disconnect: Communicating with White People

In response to the people who have misread this article,
Loopzilla
has summarized my feelings exactly in the following comment:

White people don’t think racism is a problem anymore, since people of color can vote, own property, marry white people, and not be slaves! Gosh, white people, you have come so far!

Another problem is white people taking PERSONAL OFFENSE if you say “a lot of white people are racist”. They automatically hear wild and crazy alarms ringing in their ears, and feel obligated to defend themselves. “But I’M not racist, people!” Chances are, they are racist and don’t realize it. People are so afraid of being racist that they never get a chance to look at themselves, figure out their weak points, and educate themselves. That is how to not be racist anymore. A way to continue being racist is to swiftly deny it and try to defend yourself. Shut up and look within! If you are really not racist, even a tiny bit, then you can be content with that knowledge and not have to explode every time someone says “white people need to stop being so self-centered.” That is my advice.

-Loopzilla in comments

poutine is guude

Please do not misunderstand, please listen and try to understand the feelings of a person of colour.

pictures of poutine for no other reason but the fact that they are delicious

Disconnect

My Observations and Experiences when Talking with White People (now with more tangents!)

Based on my own experiences AND NOT RESEARCH

I’d like to blame my failure to communicate with white people and put it solely on my shoulders if it weren’t for three things:

  1. At least I try to communicate honestly and speak truthfully about my feelings
  2. At least I call and try to talk it out
  3. And once conversation starts to break down, I know when to stop by ending the conversation

But why does it so often communication break down once said white person begins to feel uncomfortable? I feel it completely unfair as they seem to have no consideration on how coloured people feel being in situations and environments that make them feel uncomfortable. Even I, when noticing my apathy towards other people being uncomfortable in new environments, now make a effort to try to make my friends and even strangers feel more comfortable. People can be really intimidating, especially strangers.

So I had a problem last night talking to a friend online.

She asked me if I was going to a birthday party of a friend, who over time I never really liked before but grew to like. I wasn’t going because I would feel really uncomfortable with those on the guest list. They were a odd mix of drama queens and boisterous sportswoman, I could feel the claustrophobia mounting. I also have a secret fear of crowds of strangers that I hide in my pocket. Not only that, my friend and her boyfriend was attending and I already was feeling the pains having to grow horns in order to lock them in battle. Her boyfriend has already hurt my feelings recklessly and without consideration and I actually am starting to get anxiety being around him.

I decided after a long time to talk about what happened on this blog, because I had come to feel really ashamed and isolated as if I was hiding a great secret. I feel more embarrassed than talking about female masturbation for crying out loud! This is a mounting problem for me, in which I’m not allowed to move on and pass by. I find it unfair, because every time I meet him (my friend’s boyfriend), he acts rude to me or totally freaks me out with his lack of consideration and moodiness. We’re both in a delicate tactile dance where we cannot co-exist because we have different ideals. He claims that I don’t hold parties that are relationship friendly and I have no idea what to do anymore so I just have parties anymore! (LOL)

I have spent the longest time supporting their relationship, while many of our friends turned their back on them and continued to accommodate him—even while he hurtfully complained and even insulted by saying he couldn’t sleep in my room on my own bed and marching up and down the stairs when my family was sleeping and had work the next day. I tried to beat the shit out of him that night, half out of anger, half out of fear. No other guest had become such a stranger like that.

I lost a lot of privileges that night because of him and I wasn’t allowed to go out for months—to the point where I couldn’t even go to my friend’s wedding reception. And did either of them care? No, in fact she when out with him three days later after the incident. Neither really care about my feelings and they’ve repeatedly don’t shown they don’t. Neither of them have learned that their actions towards me are hurtful and even acknowledging that their actions are hurtful, persist to hurt my feelings.

When I said repeatedly I wasn’t attending and I noted have valid reasons to feel this way and that “I also feel uncomfortable and unhappy around your significant other” that that I was just ignored and asked if I would go to the birthday party again. If someone said that to me, because I have enough experience with friends hating each other, I would just be like, “okay, we’ll have a party this day and them me and Davita Cuttita will just hang on my actual birthday.”

I will just get in fights with people if I go, the guest list combination is already TROUBLE!!! For me, this shows that she:

  1. Doesn’t care about my feelings, or that I will feel comfortable even while I have clearly stated and understand to not go to parties where people I don’t like are in attendance
  2. Cares enough about her boyfriend to bring him and continues to bring him
  3. Thinks I should just get over myself without consideration of my feelings and the past
  4. Doesn’t learn from past mistakes as she persists to continue with a strategy that doesn’t work with people who don’t get along and continue to not get along

She knows why I don’t like her boyfriend, she knows that I am upset that despite me trying to like him, he doesn’t like me. She knows I don’t get along with people invited to that party… WHY?!!!!

Unfortunately, this isn’t an isolated case for me.

When a coloured person feels uncomfortable, white people seem to either take great offence (“how could you just not suck it up?!”) or don’t care and say nothing and keep doing what they do: offend people and not examine their own actions.

But white people don’t seem to notice unless they, themselves, feel uncomfortable. Their own feelings seem to take more priority over anyone else’s as if they were the only person in the world. I find that so many of my white friend’s talk brazenly about things I take offence to and I card them, they seem more concerned with their own hurt by my retaliation that they do not care that they hurt my feelings and I’m just angry—And sometimes, think that I’m being angry at them for no reason and they have actually done nothing wrong to me?! I think that when White people “step on the toes” of other white people, it’s not a problem and they let many wrongs, racial slurrs and sexist comments slide and really don’t see that this behaviour (apathy) is destructive.

Just because my friend’s apathy and racism is normal to them, do not think I will think I will hesitate once the axe is swung. I have gutted all of my friends (white or not) once or twice and they need to be gutted for being so apathetic and disconnected with race issues. It just doesn’t effect them, they don’t care. In fact, it seems like nothing effects them, unless it happens to one of them.

I’ve never felt such resistance to the act of listening in any other race. I wish I didn’t have to talk about white people as third persons, but it seems like I’m driving against traffic.

Also, I’ve noticed that White people don’t understand when someone doesn’t like them, they either want to become their friend even more or in a surly manner, just mope.

And I’d prefer if they just mope, not just mope and then get in my face about it afterwards. Especially when it’s not me who doesn’t like them, it’s another person and they’re getting mad at me or another innocent. These types of people are just messed up, talk about displacement.

When I’m angry, I just get mad at the parties involved. And I’ll say that twice, if I’m mad at two people, two separate people, I will get mad at both of them for the wrongs they have done to me. I’m not going to yell at Sally because her sister puked on shoes, I’m going to get mad at Sally for using my shirt without my permission to clean the puke up and then telling her sister that she can now wear my clean clothes. Again without my permission. I don’t treat a White Person differently than a Coloured Person in this situation, why should I? I’m just so mad!

I’ve also noticed White people don’t seem to really communicate. It seems like a show man’s display of quirky facts and knowledge they’ve consumed. When I see my friends, I try to catch up, not show off. It seems strange. It really is keeping up with the Jones, and more one upping with the Jones. Deep down, I think it’s just a veil of insecurities to cover up a boil ready to burst. But these are my observations. I know Davita Cuttita just hates the fuck of one of my white friends because she just spews facts that are what she reads in books, I get mad at her for different reasons.

This person, my friend that Davita Cuttita hates, says I lack tact, but rewords it all fancy so it’s less offensive. I think she also lacks tact when dealing with race. But unfortunately, these are one of those “I’m not even noticing that I’m being racist moments” and when I talk to her, she I can see her feel like she under attack and recedes back into her hole.

What’s wrong with saying things are they are? Why must I re-articulate things until they lose meaning. I mean for my words to cute and bite. Why must I learn and act accordingly to to their rules and not vice versa. Why when I’m in Rome, I must act like the Roman’s. But when they’re in China, they are continuing to act like Romans? Excuse me? I understand that Western and Asian ideals don’t mesh well, but White people seem to go around and try to give helpful “tips” to non-white people. Like non-white people don’t know what they’re doing, and they’re supervising and helping with their superior management skills.

Sorry, I don’t take well to other people’s condescending nature. Don’t talk down to me. TANGENT TIME!! Lately I’ve been thinking that my depression, which I believe is costing me in job interviews. I figured out that my depression and the depression of the Cambodian girl down the street is stemming from our lack of place and having no place in the community. Cambodian women raised in Canada have no place in Canadian-Cambodian society, they’re viewed as spoiled, loose women who are ruined by Canadian society. Even if a Canadian-Cambodian male dates and father’s a child with a Canadian-Cambodian woman, he’ll still leave her to become a single mother and marry an “unspoiled” Cambodian girl, from Cambodia. So what does that mean? Canadian-Cambodian girls are spoiled and ruined? I know a lot of Cambodian teenagers that are now adults who are high school drop-outs without knowing what the reports say. How long will Canadian-Cambodian-Cotton be ruined by the backwards nature of Traditional Cambodian Society? DO THE TANGENT DANCE!!!

But it’s not like my White friends can understand, they’re to busy looking at me with apathetic eyes and using the same phrases when talk about poor people. “Oh, but what can you do?” Even when I talk to them, I don’t think they’re actually listening or that they understand me. Can we call each other “friends” at all?

I feel really disconnected from white people and I can feel their own disconnection from each other. Many of them don’t call their families, many don’t even call each other. Davita Cuttita and I were talking about how white people put their elderly in old folks homes, while many coloured people wouldn’t stand for it.

I’m tired of White people talk down to me and think I wasn’t born here and don’t understand Canadian Culture, rather than realize I’m just rebelling against their racism. I’m tired of White people going over to foreign countries and talking about how the people in Pakistan, or China or Jamaica do it wrong. I’m tired of White people examining what’s wrong with me, and how I can accommodate, learn to talk properly and with tact and consideration while they talk rudely and without consideration. I’m tired of White people with low self-esteem, talking about subjects they skimmed over in a book briefly.

I’m tired of communicating with White people who are too afraid to examine their own failures and self-esteem problems. They ask for other people to act in self-reflection, but don’t themselves.

Do your part, examine how White people treat you… And think about it?
Do they treat you with the respect you deserve?

That’s what this article is about.

I end this article by saying:
poutine is delicious

I WISH I WAS EATING POUTINE RIGHT NOW AND NOT DEALING WITH THIS BULLSHIT!

I’M NOT GOING TO THAT BIRTHDAY PARTY! FUCK YOU!!!!

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~ by l on June 16, 2008.

7 Responses to “Disconnect: Communicating with White People”

  1. Who are these white people you know, anyway? They sound like juvenile idiots, which come in every stripe. You need a better class of friend who cares what you think.

  2. I spent my juvenile to adult years up in the GTA in Toronto, almost all of my friends are white and of upper to upper middle class families. They actually the least racist and nicer lot of the rest, but that doesn’t make it right.

    They’re actually nice, but like all people are misguided and a little stupid. Including myself.

    That’s why I’m glad I have Davita Cuttita, there’s a real woman who knows how to hold her liquor and punch people in the face. And my greatest happiness comes from her punching me in the face, I make her promise to punch me in the face. Everyone need a friend who is good enough and willing to punch you in the face.

  3. White people don’t think racism is a problem anymore, since people of color can vote, own property, marry white people, and not be slaves! Gosh, white people, you have come so far!

    Another problem is white people taking PERSONAL OFFENSE if you say “a lot of white people are racist”. They automatically hear wild and crazy alarms ringing in their ears, and feel obligated to defend themselves. “But I’M not racist, people!” Chances are, they are racist and don’t realize it. People are so afraid of being racist that they never get a chance to look at themselves, figure out their weak points, and educate themselves. That is how to not be racist anymore. A way to continue being racist is to swiftly deny it and try to defend yourself. Shut up and look within! If you are really not racist, even a tiny bit, then you can be content with that knowledge and not have to explode every time someone says “white people need to stop being so self-centered.” That is my advice.

  4. Loopzilla, thank you for understanding. In response to people have misread this article, may I use this comment? If not, I will take this down.

  5. Of course you can use it! I am flattered.

  6. Oh my gosh! *wiggles arms* ~(o3o)~ I’m very happy, sankyu~uu!!

  7. […] PDDP… “Disconnect: Communicating With White People” by GD “Eurocentric Eunce-Eunce: Afrocentric and Eurocentric Schools” by GD “The […]

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