I Don’t Like to Talk About My Homosexuality.

I don’t like to talk about my homosexuality
Written Grandpa Dinosaur

I don’t like to talk about my homosexuality. To anyone. Not even Davita Cuttita. But today I will… Because I know that it’s not because I haven’t accepted that I am a Lesbian, it’s because I don’t think it’s anyone’s business who I fuck, where I fuck them and why I fuck them. That’s my personal business.

But I will talk about it today because I am a person of colour and I think it is important at times to talk about homosexuality and talk about the options and the choices that we as Coloured people can make. Especially so that young Coloured people know that they have options. It’s good to set an example and be a role model and talk about options, which is why I decided to talk about it today, especially for young gay/lesbians/bi youth.

Although, I do admit being a person of Colour, a female and a homosexual can be a triple penalty at times. Not to mention I live in a traditional and constraining Asian household. But I’m still proud of my heritage, who I am and am happy being a lesbian. But it is hard, sometimes I do hide it or don’t feel like bringing it up. Why? There’s more to me than being a lesbian, I have a personality outside of being a lesbian. Being a lesbian is a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define all of who I am, how I dress or who I hang out with.

But I do find hilarious the reactions from people who do know  about it and people I don’t.

Especially when everyone expects you to “act like a lesbian”, what is that supposed to mean anyway? After I told a friend about my sexuality, she started to wonder if my actions were a result of me being a lesbian. If I walked a certain way because I was a lesbian, or if I acted a certain way to portray “butch” or femme” ideology. Like…that really confuses me. A lot of things people think about was it means to be a lesbian confuse me.

I don’t “act gay”, it’s not something I can act out or “perform”. I’m myself first and always.

Mostly what bothers me are expectations that people have for lesbians, or irrational fears from straight female friends that think I’m coming onto them. =-=;; Personally, I don’t want the trouble of coming out to every person I meet and saying, “I’m a lesbian.” If that’s your prerogative, it’s cool. You can live your life anyway you please, but I don’t want to be you. I like my business private.

Also I don’t attend the Gay Pride Parade. Not because I’m afraid of being found out but because I don’t like people knowing my extremely personal business. Nobody needs to know that I’m a lesbian. Also I’m afraid the day I go there will be a shooting, I know, a lot of straight people go but still… That’s just me.

I also find it hilarious when gay men get upset that I’m not attracted to them but they don’t know that I’m a lesbian. These gay guys are good looking, yes; but I’m not attracted to them. Sometimes they think I’m homophobic, they obviously don’t know me well and don’t know that I’m a lesbian. But I do have the same rule of thumb as I do with people of my own race, it’s not that I’m ashamed of being a lesbian and it’s not that I am ashamed of being Cambodian, it’s that in a situation like that you can’t just befriend people because they are the same as you.

I’m not going to be friends with someone I don’t get along with because I’m a lesbian and disregard that they are rude and loud and immature in an unacceptable way JUST because they’re also a lesbian or gay. But at the same time, I am unwilling to befriend someone from my own race because of the same reasons. No exceptions when it comes to friends, but I am friendly at times. :3

That is one of the huge reasons why I don’t like to talk about my homosexuality: because people assume things about me based on me being a lesbian that are JUST PLAIN STUPID! They think I’m attending a lesbian rally every couple of days, I might go looking for vagina with a hoard of butch women. Sometimes I get told, “you’re not a lesbian of you don’t do (menial lesbian task).”

I thought being a lesbian meant you like women, now I gotta do all this stuff and get registered? Dude, being a lesbian is tough.

If anything is really stupid, it’s people that see me as being “butch” because I’m very strong willed, am aggressive and will stand up for myself. If I were trying to be one of the two, and I am not; I think I’m more femme than butch. If not, a “lipstick lesbian” as the term would go. But I don’t “act it out.”

I am proud of being a lesbian. I do write poetry with lesbian themes and write comics about lesbians because that is how I represent myself as a lesbian. I know my lifestyle isn’t like other lesbians that I don’t get along with because my ideas and personality doesn’t mesh well wiith theirs or their perceptions of what it means to be a lesbian and I’m not going to change my personality BECAUSE I am a lesbian.

I am who I am, there are times where I am “Grandpa Dinosaur: the lesbian” and times that I am just Grandpa Dinosaur.

I still don’t like talking about my homosexuality, but I know that Davita is definitely, 100% in favour of the peen and someone on this blog had to do it!!


~ by l on October 29, 2008.

8 Responses to “I Don’t Like to Talk About My Homosexuality.”

  1. What!? You’re not a real lesbian at all! You don’t fix cars!? You don’t have a sex tape!? You can’t join the club!

    But seriously,
    The other day, when my room mate insisted I should go to the LGBT (or whatever the fuck that organization is called) meeting because I should feel a need for unity with “my kind,” I about decked her. (which is ironic becuase my room mate expressed concern about how I was sure to hit on her… goddamn, why are people so self-absorbed?)

    Anyway, shouldn’t it be flattering if anyone, even a lesbian, hits on you, as long as it’s polite?

    I’m with you on this one, though. I don’t advertise my sexuality, but I don’t hide it either. (personally I think all those gay pride stickers are a little over-zealous.)

    Thank you for posting this. Thank you so much.

  2. Ugh! I know! Some of my friends are lesbians, actually a lot of my friends have come out as lesbians but I don’t think they see me as a lesbian because I don’t do “lesbian things.”

    Ugh! The “are you going to come on to me” drives me NUTS! It’s like you suddenly become dangerous. *eye rolls* You DO really want to deck them. *sighs*

    I do hand flap and giggle when other lesbians hit on me, but it’s so foreign and secretive that many of my straight friends don’t notice. I’m very direct when I hit on women, so they know that I am 100% interested in them.

    It’s cool, I knew I had to write this eventually. It helped Davita too. A lot of my friends know but they often think I am joking because I don’t act gay. I just don’t.

    It can be a lifestyle to others, but I feel that I want to live the way I chose.

    It’s really irritating because it’s such the norm for gay people to be so open, I think that can be a bit unfair for people to assume that they should have full access to my sexual identity and be open about my experiences.

    I’m not a source of entertainment or “gay wisdom,” you know? It’s like they expect me to be MORE flamboyant when I do the reveal and are confused when nothing happens, I was open before so it wasn’t like my actions are going to change.

    Anyway, it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who thinks this.

  3. Not at all. I thought you were speaking for me when you posted this.

    Another thing that drives me crazy are the well-meaning “activists” that drag me into their conversations, or people cite me as one of their friends, even if they barely know me, so they can tell other people how open-minded they are to have a lesbian as a friend.

    There are so many people where it’s like it’s one extreme or the other.

  4. LOL! Don’t let me speak for you, but it’s okay that some of the things that we think are so similar.

    I know, so that they can say “I have a lesbian friend.” I know how that is so bad. Also how they go, “my friend who is a lesbians acts like this, isn’t it weird” or as for my “gay opinion.” WTF man… So many reasons to benefit by “befriending” a gay person.

    But I think that it’s dumb when they think they have to act differently around you/modify their behaviour [now that you are gay].

  5. I actually love to listen to what straight people say about homosexuals when they think they aren’t around! =0

  6. LOL Some are on the ball, but there are the crazy few. Because they misinterpret me for being straight for so long, I like to card them though.

  7. its interesting and frustrating to see what people project on you knowing you are queer. like what assumptions can you make about people based upon the fact they are straight? sigh. i dont have many straight friends, just a couple token ones.

    this happens to me a lot as a trans woman. people feel its ok to make assumptions and rate my “performance” based on knowing i am a transexual. they feel the need to comment on my femninity. my hair is not so long, i wear pants as much as skirts and i dont wear much make up. people see trans women and they expect drag queens.
    people also make assumptions about my sexuality, which goes all over the place.
    the fact is they dictate my performance for me, which robs me of other aspects of my identity i find important.

  8. [Adelaide:]
    I think most of my friends have become gay/lesbian or bi, ‘cept for Davita of course. She’s for the peen.

    I don’t know too many trans people, but I don’t get out much so I really wouldn’t and I’m not looking to collect them as other people seem to like to. It’s nice that I can understand a little more, thanks for sharing your experience.

    GAH! Why do people think that we’re supposed to be so open with ourselves and share everything. I’m kinda mad at the media’s perceptions gayness/lesbianism for making everything think we act the same way and my peers who are homosexual for trying to pressure me to act a certain way. (I don’t know if you feel the same way…)

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