The Single Reason

The Single Reason
Written By GD

I hate people bitching at me for being single. Like being “in love” is a fucking bed of roses. Honestly, fucking eh.

It drives me nuts, it’s not anyone’s business if I chose not to date or I’m not (currently) interested in relationships or maybe I’m busy pursuing my goals and if I find someone who understands who I am, that’s cool too. But I’m not going to run around and grab onto people desperately trying to force them to love me. I think, maybe I shouldn’t catch that “train.” Especially with people’s expectations of me when they know I’m a lesbian. They think I should be dating all the time, and start to doubt that I am one when they don’t see me with other women or other lesbians, doing lesbian things or if they don’t hear me talking about my lastest conquest(s).

Maybe some I like privacy, maybe I have tact, maybe I don’t want to share my personal business. Being my friend, even my best friend, does not grant you a key to access all of my personal thoughts and old secrets.

People often ask me if I’m lonely, being single and all.

Not really, I’m too busy with my hobbies and book-making and things to really notice. I might miss a friend, but I don’t want to be constantly driven to seek “dating status.” Not many people respect that decision, actually.

My sister-in-law has already called me several variations of an old maid already.

Really, people lack tact these days. Especially people who are dating, big surprise there. In fact let’s just put it out there, so it’s quotable and can be blown up in my face, mostly by dating/married couples, who are straight and whose relationships are more acceptable more than… I dunno, homosexuality? Than being single? Than having your own goals, separated from someone else? Than acting outside of the Hive Mind?

I’m not going to snub those in relationships, but what drives some of them to be such douche bags?

What drives these people to be such assholes? What drives these people to feel that they need to disclose their sexual experiences, share their dating experiences—because I doubt it’s because they want to share their happiness, because you don’t need to be an asshole to do that. Or rude. Or tactless.

I, then, realized whenever I’m surrounded by straight couples that constantly kiss and fondle each other, I am forcing a grin and clapping as to not show my awkwardness. I realize this as  my reality as a lesbian, surrounded by normal, straight, heterosexuals; that I do feel awkward and any attempts that I’ve had trying to voice that opinion has, thus far, been met with, “you need to be more accepting of relationships.”

And it’s not like it’s all couples, I have one couple who does not make me feel snubbed in their presence. (In fact, I enjoy going out with them.)

Maybe if people weren’t so exclusive and cliquish about dating and different sexualities, I wouldn’t care. Esepcially when they try to make me feel like shit for not being in relationship because it feels like they’re passive-aggressively doing it on purpose.

And I’m only anti-relationship when people piss me off with constantly having to flaunt their relationships, like walking into a sea of gnats. I don’t care. Really. Because it’s irritating and hard to breathe.

When I am with someone, I don’t want to be anything other than who I am comfortable with. Myself. Anyone, dating, friends, family.

I’m actually lonelier with other people. I’m actually lonelier because when I’m with other people they ignore me, even when they haven’t seen me for a long time. And who needs enemies with friends like that?

When people treat me like crap, despite calling me their “friend” it makes me wonder if I can actually strike gold in an intimate relationship.

Would I want to if I can’t be myself?

It’s not like the door is fully-closed, it’s not like I won’t date ever. It’s not like I’m closed to options.

But it’s really hard.

It’s like finding a job.

“Didn’t find a job today.
“Well, I tried.”
“Well, you’re a loser.”
“How does that make me a loser?”
“Because you can’t find a job. Well, try again tomorrow.”
(;-;)

But the number one reason I like being single is because I can.

It has nothing to do with anyone or anything.

It’s my choice to be single, and I like to exercise that choice because I’m pro-choice when I can choose different things. Why can’t I be an “old maid?” why can’t I be single?

Sometimes I just choose to be single to rebel. Sometimes the reason changes.

I’d rather regret not being in a relationship while doing what I want to do than being a relationship and not being able to do what I wanted at all (Which could easily become a reality if I’m forced to arrange marry; which I would rather kill myself than do).

Anyway, did you find someone that understood you today?

Me neither. Well, there’s always tomorrow, right?

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~ by l on November 10, 2008.

2 Responses to “The Single Reason”

  1. I found someone who understood me today. She wrote the badass essay I’m replying to right now.

    Seriously. I’m a lesbian, too, and I really hate this underlying notion that I can’t truly be a lesbian if I’m not dating anybody. Bitch? PLEASE. I did the dating thing once, and it was enough. I prefer being alone. More time, more money, less annoying bullshit.

    Vive la vie célibataire!

    • I knooooowwww! I feel this every time one of my friends gets into a new relationship, I’m not dating because I am busssssy: NO TIME!

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