Pretty Fat, Pretty Small, Pretty All.

All right ladies and gents! I did not forget about our winner of the Pimp Daddy poll of the month where we left it up to you to decide what our next article would be on. To refresh your memory, the categories were as follows:

-Body/Fatness Issues
-Sex/Sexuality
-Race/Racism
-White Privilege
-Romance/Relationships
-“Feminism”
-Other

So here’s the winning article topic! Drum roll, please:

BODY & FATNESS issues won with 45% of the vote while Sex & Sexuality was the runner-up with 25% so maybe we’ll pay it some attention in our downtime. Thanks to everyone for voting, maybe we’ll do another poll someday. Grab your sense of humour (if you don’t have one, go away) and onto the winning topic!

confidence1PRETTY FAT, PRETTY SMALL, PRETTY ALL
…And How to Fake or Make Confidence (Without Getting Into a Fist fight)

Cut by: Davita Cuttita

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

I love reading fat acceptance articles by men and women who basically say, “This is me, I’m human, I’m lovely and if you don’t like it, get over yourself!” but I think that today, this article is not just going to deal with that because a lesson was skipped. A very important lesson that everyone can learn from, small, medium large, extra large—how to love yourself, even when it’s hard. So we’re going to do this thing for real my people, remember I am not a dictator saying “this is how it must be done!”, I’m just pitching in my two cents of hope, trying to give back a little glitz and glamour to this world.


1. IF YOU’RE NOT THE SHIT TO YOU, YOU’LL JUST BE SHIT TO SOMEONE ELSE.

First and foremost, my homies and homiettes, especially my homiettes; you have got to believe that you are fabulous. It all starts with you. You have got to believe that you are smashing and worthy of other peoples’ respect because the more and more you don’t believe the that, the more people who sympathize with your self-loathing will come your way and take advantage of it to keep you at that level beneath their feet. Don’t let that happen to you and if it already has happened, make this a new day and don’t let it happen again without retaliating!

2. ZERO SUM SELF-CONFIDENCE IS DESTRUCTIVE!
I get sad whenever girls tell me they’ve bought outfits they’re “working” to fit into. Honey, if you only believed you were working it ALREADY, you wouldn’t be in this situation right now! Food is not your enemy, carbs are not the enemy, none of that is the enemy. You are committing a crime against yourself for letting a scale tell you how beautiful you are or what you should or shouldn’t be wearing, or going, or doing, or eating . The scale is just that: a scale. It tells you how much you weigh on Earth and that’s it—do not let it dictate how much you can enjoy your life. Remind me…who’s living your life again? You or how much you weigh?

3. BEAUTY IS…WHATEVER.
Beauty has different meanings to different cultures and better still, to each individual. Not everyone thinks a blonde size 2 is beautiful. Conversely, not everyone thinks a size 24 is attractive either and that’s their business. Everyone has their own opinion on beauty– BUT IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE YOURS, HONEY! Forget the smiling magazine faces and strangers on the street for a moment…what do you think is beautiful about you? Take that, and run all the way to the moon and back with it. Also, think about this: if everyone STOPPED having a definition of what beauty is tomorrow, would the world and the various people in it still be beautiful? I’d like to hope so.

4. SWAGGER, SWAGGER, SWAGGER!!!
I cannot emphasize this enough! You have to walk the walk and walk and talk the talk. Swagger is important and you will FAIL EPICLY without the proper amount or presentation. What is swagger? The definition by urban dictionary is as follows:

1. swagger
How one presents himself or herself to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in the person’s walk.

“Denzel Washington has swagger in all his movie rolls!”
“You can’t forget about Al Pacino! He had swagger all over in Scarface!!!”

Your swagger must be ON POINT at all times. How does one accomplish this? With Confidence! Or something like it…

HOW TO FAKE (OR MAKE!) CONFIDENCE!!:

"TYRA MAAAAIIIL!!!"

"TYRA MAAAAIIIL!!!!!"

  • First and foremost, YOU MAKE SWAGGER HAPPEN! The more comfortable you feel within yourself, the better. Others will feel it, too. Have confidence in your strengths and do not allow your weaknesses to hinder your daily life. Truly believe in who you are as a person, your skills and your talents. Start off each day by thinking at least one good thing about yourself. Rotate these traits around daily. Ask close friends and loved ones what they like about you and use those details as inspiration, too. You might be surprised at what they have to say!
  • Have a sense of humour about yourself! No one is infalliable or perfect and sometimes a little laughter goes a long way. However, don’t let this get out of hand: know your limits when it comes to a joke and be careful not to use joking as a way of masking self-depreciating behaviour.
  • Be sure to partake in a feel-good activity each day, ESPECIALLY alone; even if it’s 5 minutes before bedtime. This can mean a hot bath, listening to some of your favourite music, cooking a meal you enjoy, buying a small (or large!) dessert for yourself, going for a walk and so forth. It’s like practicing for a sport: the more time you get into it away from distractions, the better you’ll be for the actual “run”. Another advantage is that this way, you’ll also have “back-up” confidence or even something to look forward to at the end (or during) days that aren’t going so great.
  • Strut! Never walk with your head down for too long, unless you are making quick glances to the ground to ensure you don’t step on gum, ice or dog shit. Walk with your head up, eyes always on either your destination or admiring your scenery. This makes you look confident. Do not admire scenery over-zealously; you will look like a tourist. Never forget: swagger!!
  • Walk a walk that works for you. Don’t try to walk like a fashion model, walk naturally and pick up your feet with each step, do not drag them.
  • ACT in a manner that is naturally you: never compromise who you are for anyone, it’s stressful, depressing and prone to back-fire.
  • Never act embarrassed, embrace the moment in stride and move on. If you are ever in a situation where you trip, depending on your personality; either chuckle it off slightly or just get up, dust yourself off and continue as normal. Do not fret, do not look around nervously to see who saw, feel free to even shrug and lightly primp before continuing. If someone comes to your aid, don’t act like it’s a big deal and just blame the sidewalk (even if its your fault you fell down).
  • Be courteous meeting people. When meeting people, always have a strong handshake and make direct eye-contact. Smile naturally, relax and practice good manners and active listening (people notice!). Nobody is better than you, we’re all humans here (hopefully).
  • Be yourself and not care what anybody else thinks. Seriously. Studies show that 90% of swagger comes from feeling great because of who you are, this swagger then carries over to clothing and hair follicles creating an all-around feeling of awesomeness.
  • Act like nothing is a big deal when it comes to appearances. Vanity and arrogance are unattractive. Some people try so hard to radiate beauty and awesome but for you, no. It’s so natural. It’s just your clothes. It’s just your hair. it’s just YOU. **And what?! (**No one ever has a response to that!) If someone attempts to disrupt your swagger by nit-picking your appearance, quickly refute them with a “Bitch, you wish you looked this good! AND WHAT?” I’ve included a photo of Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta (you CANNOT tell me this is not her true form!!). Practice on it:

"Bitch, you only WISH you looked as good as me!!"

Don't let her ho-stare you like that! Now say it: "Bitch, you WISH you looked as good as me!"

5. SEXIFICATION THROUGH FASHION

  • It is absolutely imperative that one wears clothing that is flattering to one’s form. This doesn’t take a whole lot of money, contrary to popular belief. You could be wearing the most out-of-date clothes there are but still make heads turn with proper swagger. I, with a small waist and ample ass and tittays would never be caught dead in a baby doll dress—for my form, it’s the equivalent of wearing a trash bag as it hides all of my assets. Halter dresses, form fitting attire, waist-cinchers, jeans that go beneath the navel: these are all fitting to my form. Don’t be afraid to try things on in the store and find what types of things accentuate your shape and if you lack a clear shape, don’t despair and keep looking.
  • Things do not always have to be about shape or “showing off” to be sexy! I find that’s a large misconception. Not everyone wants to show the same thing off. Also, try not to work all your assets at once! Pick a few each time. Showing off everything will make you look cheap, unclassy and worst of all; desperate for attention of any kind.
  • Always choose outfits that accentuate another part or parts of your body that you enjoy and why stop there? Why not find outfits that also accentuate the colour of your eyes, hair (or hairstyle), make-up, mood, your cultural background, your current obsession, the weather, a dream you had, or more? The possibilities are endless! Dress appropriately for the occasion and above all; dress in something you feel comfortable and confident in.

6. LET THE HATERS HATE.
Did somebody hate on you for eating a cheeseburger? Make sure you take a bite to their face.

Did somebody hate on you for your size? Tell them you don’t give a hot damn what they think.

Did somebody hate on your hair? Your skin? Your clothes? Your make-up? Tell them to fuck off.

Most important of all, do not take their baggage with you and don’t let their comment “show” on you. Defend yourself and walk away, swagger included. Nothing bothers a hater more than when people think they’re so full of shit (which they are), their opinions don’t matter (which they don’t ‘cuz they’re being assholes).

Please drop some happy thoughts and suggestions into our comments if you’d like! Let us know where you get your zest to impress (yourself!) from, somebody else might find it helpful. For your dose of swagger, here’s Missy Elliott’s “Ching-A-Ling”:

Have fun and remember: YOU’RE THE BEST!

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~ by davitacuttita on November 25, 2008.

17 Responses to “Pretty Fat, Pretty Small, Pretty All.”

  1. Woohoo! Great advice! You go girl! 😀

  2. Hallo, amytiger!

    Glad you enjoyed the post and as far as I’m concerned, YOU’RE the go-girl around here! Keep smiling!

  3. Ahh, I’d like to share an experience of my own! =D

    I’m on the skinny side. When I was in highschool, I was REALLY on the skinny side, but that didn’t really bother me because that was the ideal, right? Wrong! Around 16 it dawned on me I’d probably be a 32 A forever.

    That was not the case. I graduated to a 34 A. Boo.

    I didn’t really let it bother me until people started telling me that it should bother me (big mistake!) and then I got to the point where I’d cry every time I went bra shopping.

    One time, this woman at my job, asked me if I was old enough to work. Since my job is FAMOUS for hiring 14-year-olds, this woman must have assumed I was 13 (younger?) when, in fact, I was eighteen. She smiled and told me that she always looked real young when she was a teenager, too, and no one wanted to date her because she looked so little.

    I figured that was pretty much my fate. Every potential SO would say no, because they didn’t want to look like a creep if they were seen with me.

    It wasn’t until I met Quinten that I realized, while I may not fit the generally held ideal of sexy, that I don’t have those lucious curves and never will…

    I am fucking adorable! And to some people, that is sexy. =)

  4. Thanks for sharing that, Almira!

    Yeah, I hear a similar story quite a bit–my sister is also super skinny but quite curvy (she’s nearly 5’9 and weighs 118lbs) and also hopes for a bigger bosom.

    In reverse, I was always picked on for being busty and curvy as I started developing around 9 and was 34C (I’m 36C now) by the time I was 16. You can imagine changing (in a Catholic school!) in the girl’s room after gym. People always had their own 2 cents to pitch in. They were mostly nice about it but I still didn’t think it was fair.

    Nowadays, the men just never stop coming! However, it’s always for the wrong reason. Once I open my mouth and say something “smart” or debate a social issue, they freak out! “Why, you don’t LOOK like a person who’d say that!”

    OK…so, just because I’m average size (I’m 5’7 & 127lbs) with a big ass and boobs (and Black?) I’m supposed to be stupid?

    Girl, we will never win this battle against stereotypes placed on our bodies but we can WIN EVERYTHING by saying “Fuck it all, this is me, dammit!” Which, I hope, more ladies start doing!

  5. Catholic school, huh? I went to public school haha.

    You know, I like the ladies, in fact I prefer them to men (sexually, I mean.) And when I hear a guy say “Oh she’s cute,” he’s talking about… well, you, Davita, he’s talking about the first, stereotypical impression of you. The ass. The boobs.

    When I think “Wow, she’s cute,” I’m talking about girls like you, Davita, but not because of apperance. To me, “cute” is a personality word. When a girl is “cute,” it means she is such a joy to be around that she actually APPEARS more attractive to me because of it.

  6. Yes, Davita. I have seen you ass naked so many times in my bedroom.

    I have complained many times of your, as the French would say: “le lack des clothes.” I’m 100% that is French.

  7. That is a dayum lie.

    I have only been in my underwear! I already said one of us needs to get paid and conjugate the french verbs around here. *side eye*

    And Almira: thanks for a great point! I just hope most girls aren’t a raging, wife-beating, husband-throat-punching, alcoholic like me. (I’m half kidding…but about WHICH PART?!?)

  8. Le lack des clothes? Def. French.

    Davita, were you kidding about the… raging wife-beating part? 😀

  9. Thanks for this. I need to read it every day. Even at 48, I need to be reminded to walk with my chin up if I feel like it or not.

  10. Hi Kat,

    You’re welcome! Thanks for reading; stay fabulous!! ^_^

  11. Love this. It was very timely advice. 🙂

  12. I really like this post too. I think Mya in the video for It’s All About Me is a pretty good example of swagger.

  13. Hey Restructure!

    Yeah, I remember that video from when I was in 7th grade! I give Mya a C+ for that swagger effort because once she started humping the stage I was like “but everyone thinks sex is sexy DUHR! TYP-I-CAAAL!!”

    I definitely believe Missy is one of the queens of swagger because she can be bald covered in spikes (like in the “She’s a Bitch” video), completely clothed like in the video I posted or dressed in a trash bag full of air like in “Supa Dupa Fly” and STILL BRING THE SHIT. Mya’s cute but her swagger falters once you take that away but she still gets 1/2 a gold star for effort from me, LOL! *shrugs*

    Other people who bring the swagger above and beyond are definitely Erykah Badu, Pharrell, Jimi Hendrix, Ol’ Dirty Bastard, M.I.A and Anderson Cooper.

  14. You’re right. Missy’s swagger totally kills Mya’s swagger.

    The stage humping wasn’t that great, but I wasn’t thinking of that part. Maybe I was also influenced by the song content, “It’s all about me.”

    What’s an example of Erykah Badu swagger? The first thing that comes to my mind is “Tyrone”, but that’s just a song. =P

  15. Erykah Badu’s swagger? Gurl, do not tell me you never saw the video for “Bag Lady”!! Or how she ripped her giant afro wig off her head in front of thousands of people and headbanged to her songs with it in “Dave Chappelle’s Block Party”?

    And a few of her most famous quotes of “time is for white people” as well as (after being bashed for getting pregnant and not being married) she told all her haters to *scroll down on link to see quote!!* “HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT THE QUEENDOM…AND MY CHILDREN AND MY INTELLIGENCE…Kiss my placenta!”.

    Disrespect the fucking Queendom, my friend! That is by far one of the most eloquent and awesome insults I’ve ever heard in my entire life. How would one even begin to respond to that? It’s too much, LOL!. Doesn’t get much more swaggalicious than that, my dear!

  16. Sorry, I’m a little slow. I didn’t get Bag Lady at all the first time I saw it, and now I still don’t 100% understand Bag Lady and the video. What’s nickel bag lady?

  17. Bag Lady is about a woman consumed not just by materialism but by emotional baggage that she continuously carries around with her. This causes her to lag behind in life (“You can’t hurry up, ‘cuz you got too much stuff”) and also drives away others who may be interested in a relationship with her as she now has a reputation for taking her past emotional hurts and projecting them onto others (“when they see you comin’, niggas take off runnin’, from you, it’s true, oh yes they do”). The video is done in a style that kinda pays homage to the Black soul/funk singers of the 1950s.

    Thank God for my film, communications, media studies & literary interpretations classes.

    Anyway, to go back onto topic; the swagger is simply phenomenal; especially since she’s not “over-doing” the sexy and wearing traditional African clothes.

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