Beauty and the Fabulous Beast


Beauty and the Fabulous Beast
The Vulture’s Return

Cut by: Davita Cuttita

Hello Lover-la-Dahs! How’ve ya’ll been?

I’ve been quite M.I.A for a while so apologies to those of you who know me personally and double-apologies to those of you who don’t. And of course, of course—thank you as always to everyone and anyone for your continuing support of PDDP.


I seriously cannot believe it’s been over a month since my last post. Over the past while, I’ve had a lot of family affairs to attend to, successfully completed year two at University, moved, landed a new job and some new debt and visited the US for the fourth time in my life (which I’ll write about later on).

So let’s get started!

If I am a fundamentalist of anything, I would 100% categorize myself as an audio fundamentalist—I love sound so music plays a major and daily part in my life. I basically listen to anything and everything (but typically detest Top 40).

On Wednesday night, I had the absolute pleasure of experiencing the rarity of an actual musician rather than some commercial carbon copy and saw one of my all-time favourites live: PATRICK WOLF of South London!

One of the many photos I snapped of Patrick Wolf.

One of the many photos I snapped of Patrick Wolf.

The show was a pure, organic, mind-blowing experience full of energy and Patrick Wolf brought it despite the shit venue’s audio problems and delays. He was beyond fierce, he was Fierce with a Capital F and I do not regret a damn thing about that night and definitely got my money’s worth—especially since he started off in an odd costume and kept taking off articles of clothing until he was left in nothing but a bondage harness thong that exposed his magnificent British buttocks.

Now my friends and I were basically rammed by the stage as we were only four rows back and the venue was fairly small and without seats, so the view was great but I was still IRKED by one little of thing.

Riddle me this: Why is it people go to concerts and stand in front of the fucking stage with their arms crossed, maybe bob their heads slightly and just watch? Am I missing something?

FURTHERMORE, why do these bitches have to be like 10 feet tall straight men in bad t-shirts that stand in front of all us average-to-short height people?! Hmmn? HMMMN?!?!? They weren’t security.

Has this ever happened to you? You’re all having fun out somewhere and ONE tall, miserable person stands defiantly in your way for no reason?

Patrick Wolf is gay (or “unclassified”) so there were some gay men present at the concert as well, flocking forward to the stage along with the other girls, my friends and I. At the end of the day, a gay man and a straight girl are both Card-Carrying, Cheerleading Supporters of Team Dick. Fair enough. Let us get a little closer since you don’t seem to be enjoying yourself anyway. But nooooo.

Girls and Gays jumping, dancing and screaming behind you; trying to get our money’s worth by enjoying themselves and showing some fuckin’ enthusiasm while you just stand there like a block of cement, unmoving, expressionless, arms folded. Don’t just fuckin’ stand there and grimace, raining on our parade, geddafuckouttadaway!

Anyhoo, *le sigh.* This is not all I’m going to talk about or wanted to talk about with this post.

Besides, the guy quickly got the picture once the stage was flooded with gals n’ gays in a frenzy so we were fortunate enough to still have a great view, touch Mr. Wolf when he jumped into the crowd to dance with people, danced our asses off and I also got loads of great video footage, (scandalous British bootay!) pictures and memories. That was just my little irk of the night I wanted to share with you all.

Appearances are a very important thing in our society and its summertime now so I know the heat is literally being turned up underneath our fabulous behinds.

To touch on my Amerika trip a little, I was in New York, Queens and Brooklyn for a bit and honestly, I only go to the States to shop and partake in a bit of gorging.

I have this anxiety about living in or visiting Los Angeles. I don’t think I could ever live in LA because I just have these NIGHTMARISH fantasies about caving in to peer pressure and becoming a stick-thin silicone toting cyborg in high heels and a mini skirt.

During the show last night, Mr. Wolf told the audience about a trip to LA in which he ran into some people that defined true beauty as having “no fat on you”, getting your moles surgically removed and getting a tan.

“Look at me,” he said posing in his leather thong “You’re looking at the typical English person. I’ve never been to the gym, I have moles, I have cellulite and I don’t tan. I have it all!” he finished in a sexy, proud voice.

“Those people talked like they want us all to become cyborg—tanned brown cyborgs! It’s scary! So I decided to become a vulture and tear all that ‘dead meat’ away!”

I have a few moles and cellulite too. I’m 128lbs at 5”7 and I work out 3 or 4 days of the week but my thighs still jiggle a bit sometimes.

And yes, there are days when I’m wearing my black leather liquid metal style tights n’ freak-um heels then go out to stomp the pavement and still have to mentally cuss myself out about the minimal upper thigh-jiggles only I notice and say “Bitch, you jiggle ‘cuz you’re real!”

Lovers, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO JIGGLE A BIT! Do not be afraid of the love.

Can you imagine a world in which cheeks or tummies didn’t jiggle when we laughed? A world in which titties didn’t jiggle when women jumped, asses didn’t jiggle plushly when they were slapped, thighs didn’t jiggle a little as you ran, jumped, played Twister or had them caressed?

I don’t think I’d want to live anymore because we’d all be made out of dried plastecine.

We have all these fluidities, these “flaws”, all these interesting things about the human body because we are real and we are alive. Sometimes, you just have to Tim Gunn your way through a bad body image rut and “make it work”. If you have it all, work it all!

So things to come? The Pimpin’ page will be updated with some explosively delicious and interesting new material as soon as I can figure some shit out and I have lots to say about Amerika. This is all near-future stuff, I promise!

For now, I’ll just leave ya’ll with a little taste of the Bleach-blonde fever I caught last night as a reminder that we can all tear furiously through the “dead meat” of superficial expectations.


~ by davitacuttita on June 19, 2009.

5 Responses to “Beauty and the Fabulous Beast”

  1. Not everyone in LA is all about the cyborg look! If you get away from the more glitzy places you’ll find that it isn’t so superficial.

  2. Hey Kelly!

    Yeah, I figured more or less but the glitzy places are typically where everyone goes, isn’t it? To check out all that Hollywood stuff and what have you and y’know…when I travel things tend to get a tad touristy sometimes so we always end up in fairly popular spots and I dunno—I think I’d just die in “glam” LA, LOL.

  3. a.) yes, there seems to be that guy, at least one, at every show, who doesn’t go to have fun/dance, just wants to stand in front and look cool maybe take pictures and take up space. he sucks.

    b.) the jiggle of fat is totally hot. especially on thighs.

  4. Fuck! I’m so glad you mentioned this because I felt like I was on CRAZY pills.

  5. Eliminating cellulite is not a walk in the park, but the end result is worth the effort! The work you exert eliminating cellulite will also make you look and feel younger so you get a lot more then just better looking hips!

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