Better, but not “Better” by Grandpa Dinosaur

make_up_toolsWitchMakeup_269Better, but not “Better”
(because WE are always moving Up)

by Grandpa Dinosaur

This post is about being the best without becoming crazy about being the best and just doing things to be better without the negative attitude that comes with it. It’s also about class and partially about the racism and segregation that comes with wanting to be better than other people. I think that’s something that is misconstrued into something that is positive when it is negative at times, being better, being perfect, being a better perfect woman.

I’ve always been driven to be a better person and be a good person amongst people, but as a personal goal. There are times where I sink low and am smug about my position on life, but I’m knocked back to my senses by rationality and compassion. I often donate a lot of my money to remind myself of my poor roots and humble myself before I get big headed. I try not to become obsessed with “being rich” and therefore am not obsessed by being rich. I find my passions in life are reaching my goals and am very goal oriented, I try to keep my desires as healthy as possible as not to become warped by superficialness and the desire to be “the best.”

I know some people who want to be better because they want to be better than other people, to be above other people. These people I have distanced myself from due to my history of immigrating as a poor coloured person.Yes, I was to be richer and successful but at what cost and for what reason? I do not want to segregate myself from the poor or forget my poor roots, but not everyone has poor roots. Most people see poor people as the “other.” I am always afraid to class segregate in my mind, because in my mind it lays the ground work for racism and in many ways it does. I never cared about classism before a year ago, I don’t support it and I don’t think I can have that disturbing mentality.

Classism is something I wish would burn and rot due to it’s normalcy in everyday life and it’s ugliness. It’s like racism’s younger, more obedient sister. To me being someone who cared about what class and being a better class would partially make me support segregation, not only from the rich and poor but the coloured people (who usually immigrate in poor, although it is not always the case) and “White trash.” There’s one thing to want better for yourself, theres another to want to be better and separated from those who are “lesser” than you. The term White trash always bothered me, mostly because I had several friends who you could classify as White trash, but were good people. It bothers me because even amongst White people there is segregation and I find that completely disturbing.

Classism bothers me mostly because many of the people that I’ve seen that care about class are unconscious racists and enjoy segregation from the poor, seeing them as “unsightly.” As I’ve said before, who are always the poorest moving up? Coloured people. Many of the third and forth world countries are populated by coloured people. And I don’t think that a poor white person should be called “White trash.” No matter what colour your skin is, you should NEVER, EVER be called TRASH. NEVER! I would never call another Asian person “Asian trash,” so why another race due to their poor status in society?

I once had a friend (who is no longer my friend due to this) that always asked if something was “below her” and it always sent shivers down my spine. I’ve always been someone who’s had to work against racism, sexism, classism and homophobia and it’s pushed back on me as I’ve tried to push forward. To think of the things that I thought as gifts and privileges were “beneath someone” and “unsightly” disturbed me. It disturbed me because something I treasured and worked hard for was someone else’s “lowered status” and I knew it wasn’t. I knew it wasn’t because there were people less fortunate than me and after that point I’ve always made a point of not to promote class superiority or segregation.

No matter how you try to justify it, classifying something or something below you means you want to be above something. Better than something… That in itself can become a dangerous mentality, although common (I find) in Western society.

Looking down upon someone else to make yourself feel better is a dangerous mentality. Pushing yourself up so you can be better than others rather than for yourself is a dangerous mentality. In the Modern, Western world mental disease and disability is growing worse. We have people who have no more morals and hate themselves and their humanity and other humans.

People who only want to be better superficially, for example when I meet White people who want to be “not racist” because being racist is “bad” instead of immoral.

The desire I see in Western women to be more loved, beautiful, fit, good mothers, is like a monster that perpetually grows bigger and eventually eats itself. We see it in women’s magazines in women calling upon the readers fears of being fat, being unable to satisfy their partner’s sexually, growing older, becoming unlovable. The desire to be great and loved become disturbing when one starts hating the things that make one human.

When I read a fashion magazine, I’m always trying to cut and warp what is available to fit my own needs, but how many people have shrunk and twisted themselves to fit into society’s needs? I thought of that, while reclining and sitting on my spine today.

The desire to be rich, popular, sexy, the best is something that is apparent in movies, media, music.

I’m a recovering perfectionist, but an obsessed overachiever. (Just ask Davita Cuttita.) I’m obsessed with added things to my CV, with small art shows and events and attending things and experiencing things. When I was perfectionist I slept three hours a day, overworking for a month. The only way I recovered from my perfectionism was to stop everything, realize my true goals and go for them instead. Instead of becoming the best, being the best, struggling to get unachievable things I became more motivated to do the things I loved and make things I loved which made me feel great. The achievement of reaching life goals was more better than being the best, little by little I stopped caring about doing things perfectly.

Even on this blog I try to make mistakes, be silly and strange with several posts because its better than having one perfect article that I worked on for months to get and it gives me more satisfaction. It lets me feel okay with not being perfect or the best in my own way, because not being the best is HARD for me especially since I want to do my best. Wanting to be the best is not always the healthiest attitude, and I know from experience. Doing things to completion despite making all the mistakes on the way has made me a more dedicated, learned person.

My reward was to be a better person by myself, rather than a better person in comparison to other people. Usually my achievements don’t mean anything to other people and are special only to me, and that’s important. I don’t need other people to validate how my achievements weight me in society’s net worth, I am more than just a contestant, I am a contender.

I always had a gold pass to be part of the “in crowd” despite being a complete anime nerd and anti-social and know what it’s like to be “popular” and always be a part of the best parties and have access to the best drugs. I always had access to the best drugs although I never partook in them. I always got along with pretty girls and popular guys, but always chose to isolate myself. It made me realize my inner strength more and realize how strong I was no to succumb to the desire for cheap and fast appreciation and love, and that in itself has made me into a great person unto itself. I recognize that now and appreciate that now. Because I’ve been on both sides of the fence, I know that both sides have green grass of different hues.

I’m glad to be growing into an individual that as a individual is a good person, a good role model to the young and a contributor to the moral goodness of society. Striving to be better as an individual in a group of individuals, but not without morality and thought because WE are always moving up.

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~ by l on August 17, 2009.

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