No Regrets Blog #1

No Regrets Blog #1
by Grandpa Dinosaur

One Hamburger instead of seven is really changing my appearance. I never thought cutting back to one burger a week would change my appearance. I tried on some pants I had that no longer fit because I was a size eight and they were a size six and they fit so I have a whole new wardrobe now. I keep calling Davita Cuttita to tell her that cutting down from seven burgers to one a week is making a difference.

It sure makes naked time in front of the mirror different. Yes, I have naked time where I look at my body for ten minutes. In fact, my morning bathroom routine would be ten to twenty minutes if it wasn’t for naked looking at my body time. I’ve been doing it since I was fourteen! I’m not going to stop now!

I’m looking at my smiling belly—if you don`t know what I mean by smiling belly, you don`t have one! Joking, it`s when you have a enough belly fat to smoosh together to make a mouth. But you have to do it easily! (NO CHEATING DAVITA!) I usually make mine say things, like: “Let`s have a good day!” or eat the door knob. After I clean the doorknob, by the way, the entire time I am naked.

I’ve always had a good option about my body from size three to size sixteen. Plus I’m an advocate of good body image, I like my belly fat but I’m liking the muscles I’m getting. When I get older or in a year or two when I’m not so depressed and in a better point in my life I’ll definitely put the weight back. Right now I’m seeing the benefits. I’m not as tired as I was before. I’m not out of breath after I climb the stairs. I look forward to walking more and go for walks more frequently and I’m not as depressed as I have something to focus on.

Dear lord, I am appreciating my appearance now as I still have it, but I really love my muscle-man arms. If you don’t know, Juuza of the Cloud’s from Fist of the North Star (Hokuto no Ken) is my idol.

On the flip side, I feel like I’m betraying my love of burgers, living on the wild side, all my opinions and support on fat acceptance—Although now I’ve drawn the line and clarified to myself what I will and will not do. I’m going back to grad school and I need the cardio, as my commute is two hours each way (I take the bus and then the subway) for a total of four hours a day. Cycling and weight lifting has been turning into a healthy way of rechanneling all that rage that I have of being abandoned and pushed aside, like an old toy someone grew out of. All the anger and aggression just melts away when I pedal, when I was fourteen I was an avid cyclist and rode my bike for miles feeling free.

I find it’s a trend that my family and friends, even all the way to Elementary school seem to adopt. The girls I know drop me because I’m not clubbing or interested in guys or their love lives and several years down the road they want to pick me back up, telling me that I was their one true, real friend, inviting me out to dinners or parties and I’m just sick of it.

This all started from being abandoned one too many times, even more than people calling me fat and treating badly. Being abandoned and left behind cut me down to the core. I sat down and realized that it really hurt me being abandoned and that made me want to cry and crying makes me feel ugly. I feel let down by my friends, even my close ones that are usually really good. But I’m making an effort to change my personality so that I don’t put up with people’s garbage and I continue to go for the things I love.

I’m such a list freak so here are some of the things I wrote down on things I will work on to improve on myself.

Issues I have to sort out
1. I have serious issues with crying and “looking ugly” when I cry
2. My abandonment issues
3. Walk away from a bad relationship or conversation instead on confronting to and causing it to stew
4. Not relying on people or letting people who let me down “rain on my parade”

Things I now do to improve my living condition
1. Clean up to three times a day in small bursts
2. Continuously organizing and throwing out things
3. Improving sewing/knitting/crochet skills to make my own clothes that fit and flatter me
4. Taking time to exercise three times a week, for fun with M-flo!
5. Cooking a meal with twenty minutes preparation time, at least once a day
6. Trying new vegetables and inventing new recipes

I’ll do another post in three or four weeks, I now have Word so my grammar has improved by twenty percent, ha ha ha. Expect more posts from me in the future.

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~ by l on August 28, 2009.

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