Criticizing Criticism

Criticizing Criticism
Grandpa Dinosaur

There is an issue I would like to address at 3:31AM while I have insomnia due to illness and having a crappy sleep schedule.

I am finding more and more the level of criticism and judgement within our blogging community of women becoming a prolonged problematic issue extending to interpersonal relationships as well–okay stop laughing.

I am aware it is the nature of blogging to write and react on the issues that bother us and address problems, but I think the level of criticism and the nature it is deployed in has become an absurd caricature of what it once was. I know, I too, I am guilty of this and this is why I am addressing this problem.

And lest we not forget I said I am also guilty of this so that people do not say that I did not announce I also have this problem.

What do I mean when I say that the level of criticism and judgement is becoming a problematic issue? I think, especially amongst us female bloggers, we hold each other up to a high standard and we admire each other efforts. We will often repetitively visit blogs that address and speak about the issues that we care about and introduce us to ideas, concepts and problems we have not encountered.

At PDDP both Davita and I represent a huge spectrum of ideas, concepts and approaches of life that vary due to our backgrounds and upbringings. I believe you come here and enjoy our posts based on that.

For example:
Davita is a straight Jamaican woman with a large family, she is a Christian. She also studies French and enjoys eating. She has amnesia, which gives her a unique angle and perspective and also insight.
Grandpa Dinosaur is an out, lesbian Cambodian woman with a small, traditional family due to the Cambodian genocide. She is Buddhist and is an artist of many mediums.

To be honest, we often do not share the same ideas.

While we do not share the same ideas, we do our best to understand the other’s situation and perspective and approach the subject of conflict with a non-biased (as possible) response that is appropriate and mature. There are many instances that I understand Davita’s perspective, but do not agree with her method or actions.

The biggest problem facing our blogging community, especially our community of women, is that the way we address problems with one another.

It is hard to maintain a mature response of issues, when the person on the other side seems to be angry or perhaps it is all an issue of miscommunication. As a blogger I try my best to respond as appropriately and be as snarky—I am joking—as true to myself as possible.

On this blog we have a tendency to allow five angry responses (at least I do) before moving the conversation to e-mail, because we firmly believe in communication… Personally I don’t believe in freedom of speech if it is hurtful or hateful, so racist and sexist comments are shut down fast.

As people, not bloggers, I believe that Davita and I allowed some respect and space. We have to right to not be harassed or insulted because that is the least respect (I believe) can afforded to us as humans.

We allow people to respond and state their viewpoints on issues, but it is when people insult us and treat us like the right arm of Hitler is when I (personally) draw the line.

As I mentioned from before, because our viewpoints are so unique we are guaranteed not to share every opinion with our reader. That is not a betrayal for the reader, we try our best to be as honest and own our privilege even at our darkest hour.

I think there is a limit that people should be mad at us for not having the same opinion, I know, it’s crazy I have to address this. Even I do not share the same perspective as Davita, I don’t even have the same personality type as her. But my personality is pretty unique and different, methinks.

No one likes to be criticized. It is not easy. I am not saying do not criticize us as bloggers, what I am saying that we need to state the problems we have and address them.

I think there needs to be a limit to how much we criticize each other.

This is why I am the anti-perfectionist. I believe that perfectionism narrows one’s perspective due to the perfectionist already having a preconceived idea of how the world should be or themselves to be.

I’m also anti-“being right,” I also think that the mania to be right and have the final say closes many doors. Situations and instances create variables as there is no true right and wrong answer. Ideas and beliefs change to new perspectives, which is why I think it’s important for both reader and blogger to take a new perspective.

By being more relaxed and adopting my Buddhist roots, I feel I have a great insight because I do not judge based on appearance and actions. I believe that it’s not the first impression that is important, but a person’s history of actions that is a true judgement of character which is hilariously NOT how the world works. Job interviews, dates, the first impression is everything and understanding is not. Hahahah.

I have a tendency to do accumulative research which is why I do not draw most of my ideas at first glance, but in that respect it makes me a bitter person if my life experiences are poor. By being introduced to new perspectives, it creates a different view of the world. At the same time, I have learned not to stay in the same world, with the same poisonous people due to experience. I think people should be allowed to change their future and not their history.

I think as bloggers (at least here at PDDP) we advocate change and we earnestly believe in changing the world and ourselves for the better. We aren’t against change, but lodging hurtful comments without understanding or closing communication is something even I do and I feel many people do as well.

Even Davita and I fight and have differing perspective, but we try to understand each other as people. Davita’s perfectionism, criticism and righteousness can be grating and even now I am taking a break from our friendship. I myself, a bitter person and an abused woman who has been slapped on too many times and I have a hard time being open, I would prefer to be isolated that be forced to be alone.

I do not profess to be right, I think sometimes my issues and beliefs need to addressed if they are wrong but I don’t need to be dissected and my pride stripped down to nothing in order to accomplish this.

I think when you’re taking jabs maliciously or even just because you think your point is right, you need to be careful and aware that you are talking to a person who genuinely care. When I write my blog posts I do put a great deal of myself on the line and address the unattractive issues about my personality in order to grow as a person.

Next time you make a comment or make a reply post of your own blog, take a second to think. Did I talk to the author until there was a level of understanding? Did I try to? Does this blogger realize this approach is better than the one she has, maybe I should comment and state my perspective of this issue.

Remember, there is a human at the other end and if you’re going to be a douchebag, at least know you are and do it right.

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~ by l on November 8, 2009.

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